Every holiday season for some reason I go into a deep depression! I do not know why but I really think that I need to go and talk to someone. It’s at the point where I am thinking about really horrible things and I know that, that’s not me! All week I have been crying for no reason and looking at my kids and husband and feeling like I have not accomplished enough in my life. Each year it get’s worse and worse. Now that we have new insurance, I am looking up places that I can go and sit down and talk to someone. Calling my girlfriends to listen to me is not cutting it, plus who has room for people judging you right? My daughter, who I am extremely close to knows that I have been faking it like I am happy but really she looks in my eyes and says constantly, mommy whats wrong, she sees the sadness! I know something deeper is bothering me but I can’t really answer my sweet child because to be honest, I really don’t know where it is coming from. I do know with all the horrific things going on around me, running this damn blog, family issues, finances, economy, world changes, cyber bullies, riots, family deaths, it is A LOT to take in and deal with on a daily basis. I always get really excited when I am asked to travel somewhere to get some kinda break from life at a moment but then it comes right back, the feeling of depression.
Just because it may appear that I have everything in life and I should be happy, there are always inner demons waiting to attack and take my joy! Im very deeply spiritual and I pray constantly for it to go away but it doesn’t. I am a tough person by nature, giving, kind and always trying to appease someone but then there comes a time where I want to be left alone for days on end! It’s not normal at all but I keep getting this reoccurring feeling of deep sadness and depression. My marriage is fine, my kids are the best in the world but for some reason I just do NOT feel like I am achieving anything. You may be sitting there thinking wow, she gets to go here and meet this and that person, get dressed up, etc but that does not mean anything to me and besides it’s all WORK! I want to be happy and fulfilled. Most of the time I am but then I slip right back into my sadness.
My dear husband often times ask me if he can help but its nothing he can do or buy. I just dont know but depression is no joke and I am going to seek help before it gets really bad than it is right now. African Americans don’t like to talk about sickness, their mental health and we often don’t like to go to the doctor or see psychiatric help but not me, I love my family. If someone can help me and can fix this situation, then by all means sign me up, I’m there! Please, if you are reading this and you kinda know what I am experiencing, seek professional help. I’m doing my research now to find out who is really good in my area and I will update you guys on my process. Till next time! xoxo
Cheer up. At least you have a husband and kids. I have neither, so how do you think i feel around the holidays.
I hope you feel better Tammie!
Hi Tami, I’m a long time daily reader. I commend you for not only recognizing the need to seek help but posting about it so that others may be encouraged. From time to time I have also went to therapy to help sort out my feelings of depression.
I’m glad you also pointed out the research you are doing to find the right therapist for you. I think its vitally important in the healing process to find someone you can connect with. It makes the experience that more powerful and effective.
Kudos and hang in there.
Thank you Tami, for bearing your soul, your story sounds so much like mine You have given me the strengthen to seek out help next year thank you again for allowing GOD to use you. Peace and Blessings !!!! Sincerly Blessedqponder4god!!!
Thanks for sharing Tami…..this story may very well save lives. God Bless you on your journey to mental wellness.
Tami…thank you for opening up to your readership. I’m sure we can all relate to this at some point…at least I know I can. This is real big of you for recognizing the depression and seeking help. I will keep your in thought & prayer, {{{hugs}}} my dear!
Tami I am sorry you are going through this. You may flat out be battling depression. I have battled it since 2006 and been on many medications for it. It’s not something I like to discuss and I am ashamed to admit that I stay in the house for 1-2 weeks at a time and never leave my bedroom. You are not alone and it something that so many are trying to cope with. A lot of my worries come from seeing so many people leaving this earth so early and being scared of leaving my kids. Sometimes the sadness is so much I can’t even explain what it is but it’s an overwhelming horrible feeling.
I also had my first anxiety attack years ago and that just makes me want to stay home because I am scared I will feel that overwhelmed feeling in public.
I just wanted to share that with you to let you know that other bloggers too are dealing with this same situation and you are not alone. I’ll be praying for you and hope you can get peace soon.
Love you and your blog, and thanks for being so open. There are a lot of people, women and men, who are going through the same thing and needed to see this. I applaud you, and hope you find what you need, I’m on a journey myself. Much love and blessings!
Hello Tami, its the time of the year with little sunlight.. most people call it the winter blues. when you already suffer from depression the lack of activities , lack of excercise and bad holiday eating has a huge effect on us all. I am the same way… try to find ways to cope, being around love ones, finding something that you love and doing it…. I journal a lot… plus crying is ok but excessive crying is not… talk to someone but dont take medication..it will make you worse
I really want to thank all of you, my loyal readers for leaving your lovely comments today! I feel a lot better knowing you care but didn’t mean to cause such a frenzy, I was really just venting lol. My phone has been ringing off the hook, texts, emails wow! I always said when its something emotional or that my readers can relate to, you guys come a running and I appreciate that!
I have been feeling depressed for the last few months! I give my all, I’m a nice person and sometimes I feel like people take advantage of that. I worry so much about my teens, my daughter and especially my son with what just happened with the Ferguson situation, I’m a mom and I’m always worrying about them!
Since blogging and all the opportunities I get, I’ve noticed that people have banned together to dislike me for some reason I’m not sure of, when all I do is just simply work hard, I dont bother anyone but they get resentful with what I do.The streets talk and things get back to me, but why they dislike me, I dont know when I’m simply just doing what was asked of me and running my blog and staying out the way.
Its just a lot of things that has lead to this, my hubby getting sick and being diagnosed with border line Diabetes, trying to keep him healthy. That is the real reason why you see so much of my dramatic weight loss too. I can’t eat, sleep because I’m so depressed! Me blogging gets me through a lot of pain and this is the only thing that makes me happy and reduces my stress.
I pray I can find someone who can help me soon because I have migraines daily, which has been going on for about 2 months now. I’ve been taking Advil daily for the pain. I will keep you guys posted on my progress. I got a load of responses from my Facebook family with referrals for therapist in the Gwinnett County area, keeping my fingers crossed I can find someone.
You also have to know that it’s just me and my husband, I have NO family support at all here in Atlanta or on his side really, my mom doesnt call or check on us, its always been a strained relationship with her and my sister can’t do much, so it’s hard on us, when its just me, my husband and the kids. Can you imagine having a family that really doesnt care? Love you guys for always supporting me and stopping by! Till next time! xoxo
I’m so sorry to hear what you are going through Tami and I have been where you are many times. Sometimes things just worked out on its own with time, sometimes it was with prayer and other times it was just sitting down & talking to someone until I cried so much I had no tears left.
It’s true people are on the outside looking in and regardless…you are still an amazing role model for many of us…you’re REAL and transparent and it’s hard to find people like that!
I can’t do much for you right now, but pray for God to send you His peace and that the depression will start to lift off of your life.
Be blessed lady!!!
blessings. thank you for sharing and taking the stigma out of depression. you are not alone. continue telling your story and your help will arrive. it may require medication and a change in habits (less stress) but you will win this battle. please (if you are up to it) encourage along the way. you have no idea how much a lipstick post helps mitigate the sadness of a lot of your readers.
xoxo
Tami, i totally understand how you are feeling and you’re prefectly normal. GOD made all of us the same but uniquelly different. Somedays, I too feel, what I call as my bittersweet happy days. Because, i feel blessed and successfull however there’s something that’s just off balance or not done yet. I believe it’s GOD way of saying well done but you’re not finish yet baby girl. So, Tami stay focus and pray for direction especailly on those bittersweet happy days. Your balance is coming soon.
A life coach can help you put your thoughts,feelings and fears in direction toward your balance.
May blessings follow.
This time is a trigger season for you. Find some quiet time to reflect on your past, specifically this time of year to remember if there were any traumatic events that happened to you. It could be recent it could have happened in your childhood. This woyld happened to me until I sat down and took a look at why I got so down/depressed during a certain time of year. Now that I know I am able to take notice and do some work to curve the depth of my depression. And don’t even get me started on premenstarion. I hope you are able to be still and recognize your triggers. It has made a world of difference for me. If you haven’t already take some time to start meditating. And talk with someone! That shit helps. Venting to a total stranger is so cleansing.
Big hugs!
Hi Tami, i am not a regular reader of your blog but I saw you posted this on fb, so it compelled me to read it. Your on the right track to see help. You are right talking to family and friends will not cut it. Stay in prayer.
Tami,
As I have just read your recent post I so pray that you have already been guided to a professional that can be of help to you. I will not share my story in this space, but will say that I can relate on sooo many levels. My experience did not lead me to medical help as I had worked within that community years before and was not at all impressed with what I saw. Some people pass out medicine like it’s candy. I praise GOD that as a writer, you had the strength & courage to so openly share your troubles. The universe and all that support you have heard your cry, and the good Lord carries you when you can’t find the strength to walk on your own. Please don’t give up or give in.
I think we, especially as women, sometimes put sooo much pressure on ourselves to be the best at all things and to be all things to everyone that we get a little lost in the shuffle. In the past 11 months I have buried 13 family members. There is no magic potion or quick fix when we’re having a valley experience of any kind. For me, healing comes in the most unusual way. While bowing my head to cry, I always find myself through those tears lifting my head to say “thank you” any how. I REFUSE to be defeated.
When you need a few days to yourself…..take them. You’ve EARNED that right. Love yourself, pamper yourself. Feed YOUR soul, as you do everyone else’s daily. My sista, you are not alone and you will get through this and rise above it. Just be still and trust GOD.
Hi Tami! Thank you for sharing this with us. I am 29 years old and I have battled depression a great deal of my life, but it took a toll on me August 2013 (All the years prior I didn’t know that I was depressed). For generations, my family was taught not to talk about the their mental health. But I wanted that generational curse to be over! So I talked openly about my depression to family and friends, and I went to see a therapist. I still struggle day to day, but its a good feeling just being AWARE that you are depressed because some people don’t even know it. Once you are aware you are more likely to get help.
You will get through this!
Thank you for sharing this! We often think the most put together person (externally) is stress and problem free but in all reality we all battle our own demons. We all get depressed from time to time but the solution is to find the proper outlet to release all of those thoughts and possibly find that solid ground. So you’re on the right track in looking for someone to talk to professionally.
You are not alone in the way you feel and if it serves as some sort of a comfort, you are amazing! You may not be where you would ultimately want to be but you have another day to kick down some more doors and do what you love.
Keep shining doll!
Thank you for sharing! You are a phenomenal woman. Remember that! Bless you
Hi Tami! I’ve been riding with you for a lonnggg time! Reading your blog daily. Mark my words, I am praying for you Tami and I know God will see you through this. Not only am I praying for you but also for your husband and children. I speak peace and strength to you. I pray goodness and mercy follow you always and I wish you nothing but the best!!
Thanks for being vulnerable and honest about how you are feeling. I always tell people do not judge because you don’t know what is really going on with someone not their past or present. I think to some extent we all put on a face to make the public happy, to make our friends and family happy because to be honest most people can’t help you with your inner problems and some fail to listen. I think it’s great you are seriously going to seek help because you know it’s bigger than just you or the holiday season. You need someone non-judgemental and professional to help you and I wish you the best on your healing process. Many blessing and I will be praying!
Hi Tami,
You are in my prayers. May God’s peace be with you as you seek the wisdom you need.
Hello,
Hugs and prayers. I pray that you find the combination of people who are able to be on your team and work with you to get through this.
I enjoy the work that you share with us, but more importantly I want you you to be happy and whole!
Take care of you!
Tami,
I read your blogs from time to time but I’m not a daily reader/follower. For some reason God lead me to this topic and now I’m writing you (I’ve never commented on a blog before). I felt compelled to write you on this topic. The feelings of not reaching a certain level in life is something I’m sure we all feel as the year ends and we reflect on what we’ve actually accomplished this year (I too, myself last week went thru these same thoughts – thinking what did I accomplish in 2014). I was thinking this year nothing – then my boyfriend reminded me of something that I thought was small, but overall it was a change in my life and for 2014. Please think and reflect and realize the small things you’ve done or said to someone is an accomplishment (being there for your husband during his life changing experience, watching your children grow into teenagers another year and dealing with todays current issues and how they affect your children) – these are accomplishments within themselves that you’re getting thru. Knowing your strength as a mother and wife you guys will get through these times. I see you as a strong women who has an audience for fashion and being in the know for readers who are interested in what you write about. Has your audience grown from 2013 to what it is today? If so, you did accomplish something in 2014.
What I see is more the root of your depression during this time is your strained relationship you have with your mom and sister (you mentioned this and I feel it bothers you more than you may realize). I feel during the holidays is the time to come together as a family (not your immediate family)but with family members. I feel when you peel back the root of things you will see what bothers you most and what causes anxiety and depression. Please work on the issues you have with your mom and sister and any other family members – talk with someone as to why you feel the way you do on certain things. I believe this will be your start to ending your depression. I see much more and wish I could say much more to you but here there isn’t enough space. Please work on this issue and I believe things will become more clear for you.
Tough times don’t last long and tomorrow is not our tomorrow – it’s God’s time frame of tomorrow when you will see the joy he has for you. I don’t use happiness – Happiness comes to us when circumstances happen in our lives that make us happy but joy is within. I wish you much joy.
Much joy to you and your family through out this holiday season!!!