So all the craze is about these darn body shapers and body magics argh! I was a big dummy and bought about 4 of them because I like to look neat on the red carpets. Nothing like seeing somebody jiggling down the red carpet and it’s not becoming lol. I was at this mall outlet last year when I saw these body shapers hanging up at this stand and was curious to find out what the heck they were. The lady spoke very little english but she said Beyonce wears our shapers. I’m not one to buy something because a “celebrity” wears something at all but I was willing to hear her out even though it was hard to understand her.
She proceeded to tell me how it makes you look less lumpy and pointed to a couple of my rolls,what the heck, Yikes! At first, I started to get an attitude but checked myself and said, well I think she means well, lol. So she showed me some different kinds and I was hooked. Not thinking what was in store for me lol. Keep reading!
So there they sat for like months before I decided to try one out. Most carpets that I attend or events I go to, I wear just the biker shorts kind of girdle and be done with it. Nothing moves when I wear it plus it’s real easy to get on. This time around, I was going to a really huge event and it was black tie and formal gowns, so I thought I would pull out my new full body shaper. When I took it out the package, I was like,hmm this doesn’t look so bad to get into, lets go for it!
Lawd!!!! It took me and my hubby about 15 minutes to get me into this thing! I almost sweated my hair and my makeup off tussling and twisting trying to get into this thing. Worst than that, my son came in the room after hearing all the noise asking me when he entered our room,”hey ma what are we going scuba divin or something”? Flatlined! I tried to not to laugh but that was funny as heck!
After finally getting into this thing i put my form fitting dress on and I looked marvelous pow! Everything was sitting up and perky and my booty was like pow bam! I was feeling hott to trott! I was loving it! It was worth every penny I spent!
Little did I know, I had to sit down in the car and drive in it,omg! I was grabbing as much air as I could like I was in labor again every second because this thing was cutting off my circulation and oxygen! I was cute though, so if I would have fainted at the wheel, I would have been sexy though when the cops found me, wrapped around a pole! lol
So I make it to my event breathing but woozy and proceed to walk into the event.I’m getting light headed and have to sit back down, oh lawd! The guys are looking and making eye contact. I’m like, ok hold on I can get up and keep it moving lol. My girlfriends that met me there walked over to me and immediately says, “Girl you lost weight”? I’m thinking to myself, no I didn’t its my shaper but I take the compliments anyway, ha! Throughout the night, people kept telling me how nice I looked and that I was slimming down, I was a happy camper! Even though I couldn’t breathe and I was light headed,I felt good,tee hee. I was praying that I didn’t have to sneeze because it would have not been a pretty sight at all lol.
I drove home after the amazing event and then it hit me! My hubby was not at home! Yikes, how was I going to get out of this thing? Plus I had to go to the bathroom! I really started sweating,but came to the realization that I was on my own! I struggled,jumped up and down,wiggled,stretched out in the bed,scooted on the floor and at last, I was free. I never scratched myself so bad in my life and have the scars to prove it from scratching so hard,omg! It felt good,especially under that bra line, yes lawd!
So the moral to this story is, ladies we always pay for beauty,it’s so wrong! Why do we continue to do this to ourselves? Pain is beauty as they say! I love my girdle to death, but I hate it at the same time! What can we do? Until I hit the gym, I guess I will be looking a hot mess trying to get in and out of this contraption but looking glamourous in the end, beauty sucks! lol
